TFLN gone to scene continuation for Brills

[technicallyhellbound]

[From here]

[He grinds his jaw, just a little, frustration still very much in evidence, still definitely wanting to argue the point and likewise fully unable to because Charles is always going to win out in the end in situations like these, because the truth of it is that Edwin has never really been able to deny him much of anything.

Even still, the repetition still sounds like something rote and expected rather than something he actually believes] I did nothing wrong.

Comments

[brills]

[Charles frowns, suspicious that Edwin doesn't believe him. He drops his hands from Edwin's face and hangs his head. When he looks up again, the frown is deeper.]

You really didn't do anything wrong, Ed. Anything could've hit my face and buried that in my skin.

[Charles sighs.] Gonna go get some supplies to refill our... herbs kit.

[technicallyhellbound]

But it wasn't just anything, Charles. It was me. The first time I've raised a hand to you for as long as we've known each other and I could have blinded you, or worse!

[And he's not going to reiterate that the actual cause was his fault too, because once again Charles was protecting him and Edwin hadn't done enough to make sure there was no lingering damage afterward.

Instead he takes a steadying breath, catching lightly at Charles' elbow, expression earnest] Would you like company? I can draw up a list of what we're low on.

[It's an olive branch, of sorts, he wants to put this behind them, at least until they've both had a chance to simmer down a little, maybe discuss it again when it isn't so recent and raw, but at the same time he doesn't want to let Charles out of his sight just yet, not after a scare like that.]

[brills]

But you didn't! [Charles turns back toward Edwin to stress the importance of this.] You didn't blind me!

[And by then he's heading more firmly toward the mirror.] I'm good, Ed. Be back soon.

[Nevermind that Charles doesn't have any kind of list or anything. He really just needs the distraction so he can cool down.]

[technicallyhellbound]

[It's the promise to return that keeps Edwin from trying again, because that's a promise that Charles has never broken no matter how unsettled things are between them when he leaves.

At the heart of it, Edwin does realize that it's his own habit of catastrophizing and focusing on the worst possible outcome even when that outcome hasn't actually come to pass, he just couldn't make himself believe that when still riding out the panic that came from the possibility of it happening even though it hadn't.

He takes the time to put the first aid kit away properly and stash the vial with the iron fragment somewhere safe, making note of it on the supply list, just in case it's ever needed.]

[brills]

[Charles takes his time at the herbalist. He grabs what he thinks the kit needs, pays with another item from their adventures and stands in front of the mirror for a moment. He can see his own reflection, on the healing bruise around his eye. Maybe he should stay out long enough for it to heal.

But the more he considers that, the more he imagines Edwin fretting back at the office.

So, he inevitably steps back through, brown paper bag in hand.]

Got a few things. [And sets the bag on the desk.]

[technicallyhellbound]

[It's been long enough for Edwin to settle again considerably, but even with that it's the fact of Charles' return that has the last lingering tension draining away again, he makes note of his place in the book he's reading, setting it aside to unpack the bag.] Thank you, Charles.

[It's the work of a few moments to sort out what Charles brought, gesturing to the ledger on the low shelf next to the closet.] Would you mind passing me the inventory?

[brills]

[Charles looks over to the inventory and plucks it from the shelf. He glances over it himself, realizing he definitely forgot something from the herbalist.]

Dammit. Forgot the thyme.

[And he heads over toward the mirror, setting the sheet down beside Edwin on the way.]

[technicallyhellbound]

It's alright, Charles, we can pick it up the next time we head to the Market, it's not one of those we need regularly, no reason to tire yourself with that many mirror trips back to back.

[His brow creases a little, considering] Though of course if it would make you feel better to be fully stocked I'm not going to stop you. [He knows well enough how that feels, after all.]

[brills]

'd rather be fully stocked. [And off he goes again, without a second look back or a goodbye.]

[technicallyhellbound]

Of course. [He says it with an easy nod, because that's not one he's going to argue too stringently.

Of course it's a few minutes later, sorting the herbs into their proper containers, that he realizes Charles didn't say he'd be back as he usually does and a bolt of cold dread jolts down his spine, and he turns to the mirror, willing Charles to emerge again even as he's frozen with indecision.

If Charles is leaving, the sooner Edwin follows the the better chance he'll have of catching up, but even if he does he's not sure there's any explanation he'd actually hear, not when their first promise to each other was that going their separate ways for good would be discussed first even if it didn't end up being a mutual decision.

And on the other hand, if Charles is just dawdling over picking up the thyme to give himself a few more minutes to cool down, and Edwin barges in, it's going to look like Edwin doesn't trust him and he honestly can't decide which outcome would be worse.]

[brills]

[Charles does take his time, meticulously weighing out the thyme, making sure he's selected the best quality, and such. He walks slowly through the herbalist's store to make sure they truly have everything they need and finds a little bonecharm. For protection. Edwin could certainly use that, so Charles plucks it out of the bunch and then takes his wares to the counter for pay.

Altogether it's thirty minutes before Charles walks back through with the brown paper bag. He sets the thyme on the desk and the bone charm on one of the corners.]

Supposed to be for protection.

[technicallyhellbound]

[The tension that had been building in him all but snaps as Charles reappears, relief flooding him almost strongly enough to take his knees out from under him, and he has to lean against the desk to keep that from happening.

His brow creases just a little at the charm, and it's on the tip of his tongue to ask what it's protection from, but higher brain functions kick in, along with the realization that the question might sound like some kind of challenge, or worse, a rejection of the gift. So instead he just nods, picking it up to turn it over in his fingers, hesitating briefly before tucking it into the pocket with his notebook.] Thank you, Charles.

[He picks up where he left off with sorting and packing the herbs, considering for a long moment before speaking again] This afternoon has been... rather fraught. I suggest we take the rest of the evening for ourselves. No new cases, no potential clients, no backlogged case file work. Just, leisure. A game perhaps? [Edwin suggesting taking time off isn't entirely unheard of, but it's definitely rare enough to make note of.]

[brills]

[Charles nods with a smile at the thanks and heads over to the bookcase, bouncing on his heels before deciding reading is not going to calm him. Perhaps throwing around the football would help, bouncing it off the walls, anything of the sort. But then Edwin proposes a game and Charles nods.]

'nother night of Clue, then?

[He pulls open the closet door, looking through the various editions that they have collected.]

Which one?

[technicallyhellbound]

[He does smile at that response, easy and genuine, glad for the lack of argument or even question if he's sure about the suggestion, and he just nods at the first question] I suppose, though we could attempt a round of Risk if we'd rather something that's going to last more than fifteen minutes.

[It's mostly a tease, and truthfully Charles has gotten better at reading through Edwin's usual calm placidity when playing Clue. It's not really a game of bluffing, but sometimes it comes perilously close the way Edwin plays. Which is why his response to the second question is just as easy] Whichever edition we've not played in a while. Unless we've picked up a new one we haven't gotten to test out yet.

[brills]

[Charles leans back out the closet door.]

I can last longer than fifteen minutes at Clue.

[And then he pops back in to pull out the 1980s version, naturally. And it's well-loved from lots of play.]

How about this one again?

[technicallyhellbound]

[Edwin's smile is warmer than before, putting the last of the herbs away, half in the jar charmed to keep them fresh and half in the pouch charmed to dehydrate them, each one returned to its carefully labeled compartment before being marked off on the inventory list.] I don't see why not.

[Something familiar will probably do them both some good, really, let them settle again more fully than they already have.] I'll get the card table, then. [It's more of a folding side-table, really, but it's big enough for any of their game boards, and makes it easier to play, as one of them can sit on the couch and the other can use a chair, instead of trying to play across the top of the desk.]

[brills]

[Charles carries the game over to where Edwin is setting up the table. He lays out the board and all the pieces. He sets out the purple pawn for Charles and the red one for himself.]

I wanted to apologize for earlier, Ed.

[technicallyhellbound]

[He's amused by just how predictable his own color choice is, enough so that Charles knows it without asking, though after this long that's hardly a surprise.

He's only just opened his mouth to try apologizing himself when Charles beats him to it, something that has Edwin's whole expression softening a little, fingers resting lightly against the back of Charles' hand for a moment] It's quite alright, I... wasn't exactly at my best, either. Dwelling on the worst outcome, as always, even when a better one had already come to pass.

[brills]

[Charles sits down at the table and Edwin lays a hand over his. The touch is met with a warm smile as he listens to Edwin talk.]

I could've been more patient and... I should've told you I was coming back when I went to the herbalist.

[technicallyhellbound]

Yes, well, neither of us has ever been that good at being patient when emotions are already running high. [He sets to separating the cards into their categories, just making a quiet noise of acknowledgement at the second part] Luckily by the time I'd actually started to worry, you were already back.

[At least, he doesn't think that he'd been locked in anxious indecision for more than a minute or two.] But thank you, for recognizing that would have been upsetting.

[brills]

[Charles turns his hand so he can squeeze Edwin's.] I didn't think about it until I got back. [He gives one more squeeze before shuffling their character cards and setting them to the side.] I'll make sure to say it next time.

[Because there will be a next time when they're separated, whether by an errand or something more serious.]

[technicallyhellbound]

[He just nods once, shuffling the individual piles and pulling the cards for the envelope, passing each pile across the table for Charles to shuffle in their entirety and deal, setting the case envelope in its rightful place, using the movement to give himself a moment to think] On the off-chance that you do forget again, how long would be reasonable to wait before presuming you've run into some kind of trouble that you need help with?

[Because Edwin knows himself well enough to know that if he can assume Charles is in trouble and not that he's just up and left, that will make things easier, because trouble is something he can plan for.]

[brills]

[Charles stops shuffling the cards for a moment, looking up from the table.] Edwin, are you worried I won't come back?

[There's genuine concern written into Charles's face as he looks up to Edwin. When he was gone at the herbalist's, did Edwin worry that Charles would leave Edwin behind? Or worse, that something had happened to him?]

[technicallyhellbound]

No. [The answer is a little too quick even to his own ears, and he presses his fingers against the edge of the table to keep himself from clenching his fists to grind his knuckles together, mouth twisting in the way it does when he's looking for the right words, not wanting to be misunderstood]

It's just that... [A sigh, finally looking up from where he's rocking his fingers against the edge of the table to Charles' face] It sounds ridiculous to say it out loud, I know it's ridiculous even to think it, but when you say you're coming back, even if it's after we've had a row, [Those aren't anywhere near as common now as they were at the beginning, even their disagreement from earlier barely rates compared to some of the early arguments] I know that you mean it. If you say you're coming back there's nothing in this world, living, dead or otherwise that will stop you.

[There go the fidgeting fingers again, gaze dipping to the game board once more] But, I also know that I can be... difficult. [And even after this long, there's still that quiet, voice in the back of his head insisting that Charles is going to have enough of him sooner or later, and -agreement to discuss permanent separation in advance or not- will move on] I'm just saying, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't come back, that's all.

[He shakes his head, one tight little movement, as if to rattle his thoughts back into place, looking up at Charles once more] But that's neither here nor there, my point is, if you forget to say it, and if I've some kind of contingency plan for your being in trouble instead of finally having had enough, then the plan is what I'll default to instead of the worse outcome.

[brills]

[The quick 'no' is met with a tilt of Charles's head, but then Edwin continues and Charles holds his tongue. Everything he hears though, breaks his heart. Does Edwin think that Charles would simply walk away? Without saying so?

Charles sets his cards on the table and move around it to stand next to Edwin. He curls one hand around each of Edwin's shoulders and tries to turn Edwin toward him. It's a move he's done before when trying to get Edwin out of his head.]

I've been with you thirty years and I plan to keep it up for another thirty. If I don't come back, it's because Lost and Found finally got hold of me. Or a ghost plant. Or something like that. It'll never be because I'm sick of you. Promise.

[technicallyhellbound]

[He lets himself be turned, mostly because he knows he's being ridiculous, but it isn't something he can just shut off the way he can other things, emotions have never been his strong suit after all.] I know. I know that. It's just knowing a thing and believing it aren't always the same thing.

[He catches lightly at Charles' elbow, once again not wanting that statement to be taken the wrong way] I believe it when you say it, always have, I think. But if you aren't here, it's harder to remember what's worth believing and what isn't. [A gentle squeeze of that hand on Charles' elbow] So, again, contingency plan for if you don't come back, since obviously the only way that would happen is due to outside force. Even if it's a plan that we never use, I'll feel better for having it.

[brills]

[Charles listens to Edwin but can’t help but see those nervous worries as not based in fact.]

A contingency plan. We can do that.

[Whatever helps Edwin feel more assured when they’re apart.]

But first, c’mere.

[Unless Edwin stops him, Charles will circle him in a tight hug.]

[technicallyhellbound]

[Edwin knows that particular anxiety isn't based in fact, and that's the worst part, because generally when there's no factual basis for something he can disregard it, but that niggling fear is a persistent one, even with evidence to the contrary.

Like the hug Charles gives him, unprompted, like it's easy as anything, and maybe it is because Edwin just sags forward into it with a quiet sigh, his own arms curling around Charles' middle belatedly] Thank you.

[It's a gratitude for the embrace, the reassurance, for agreeing to help with a contingency plan that will hopefully never be used, for a lot of things he doesn't have the words for, really.]

[brills]

We'll figure this out, Ed. We always do. [Charles speaks into Edwin's shoulder, slightly muffled. They can tackle any problem, even if it's mental anxieties and questions.

Charles hugs Edwin for a couple moments more before he leans back, keeping a hold on Edwin's shoulders.]

I promise.