technicallyhellbound | for @convincingsmile - Nobody's dying today (probably)

He startled a little at the touch, but his hand settled in Charles' hair again almost immediately, that tension bleeding out of him again, "I'm quite alright, Charles, slept right through."

His brow creased a little, taking in Charles' momentary distress before asking, "And you?" He'd been sleeping soundly as far as Edwin could tell, it was just waking up that had caused him to startle, almost as if he'd fallen asleep mid-duty, not that Edwin blamed him in the slightest.

At the touch in his hair, Charles still wondered if he was dreaming, because it felt slightly different than their usual touches. It was more... alive. Oh, yes. They were alive. That was why he could sleep too. Shit, he fell asleep when he was supposed to watch Edwin for nightmares... great.

"Good... okay," Charles murmured, rubbing his red eyes. It's been a while since they felt like this, a little puffy. He sighed, looking around in their little office, sighing in relief. "'M fine," he said. "For a second I thought I've dreamt it all. But this isn't a dream, yeah?"

"Fortunately for the both of us, this is quite real." A sigh followed, kneading at the bridge of his nose a moment, "Unfortunately I've not been able to make heads or tails of this runic array. It seems to be two separate circles, one possibly made to correct the other instead of just correcting it, which makes no sense at all."

He was definitely more terse about it than usual, and quite possibly because he was hungry and just hadn't recognized the sensation yet over the rest of his general discomfort.

Charles sighed again, and he actually smiled a little as Edwin started his ranting. Right, yes, they were real, and they were in a pickle, as detectives often are. Charles was just watching Edwin with soft amusement, only to hear the strangest noise.

"Wh-" Charles blinked, then he had to realize it was him. His stomach. Growling. "Um," he frowned, then looked up at Edwin. "Mate," he started and had to stop himself for a moment before he continued saying the most absurd words. "I'm... hungry." It made sense but then it didn't. But it made more sense than it didn't.

"That... would explain some things." He replied, marking the page with his notes and folding the notebook closed again, setting it aside. Moving was slightly easier than it had been the night before, but even he could see the bruises blooming along his arm where he'd landed, and knew there were more from where he'd popped his shoulder back into place, and likely more still across his back.

"There's the cafe down the street that Crystal likes, but I don't really think we should go walking in there looking like this. Honestly probably shouldn't go walking in anywhere, and i don't know if we've even got any petty cash left in the jar." They'd stopped keeping track of it at some point because they'd stopped needing it for things, "I don't suppose we really have any other options, though."

The moment Edwin moved, Charles was on his feet too. He blinked as the blanket fell from his shoulder, feeling warmth pooling in his chest about it. He picked it up and put it on the armrest of the sofa.

"Yeah, how about you stay here, right? I take whatever money's left in the jar and get something to eat. So you can work, and then we can have food too. I can't really help with this stuff anyway," Charles said, motioning toward the books. He wasn't too comfortable with Edwin walking around injured and alive if he was honest. Even if he would have loved to take him out, but... that may not have been smart.

He sighed heavily because as much as he didn't like the idea, it was really the only viable option, which was why he nodded, "Alright, just..." His lips pressed together briefly, realizing that he was going to sound like a nag, "Just remember people can see you now, but the ones in the cars aren't going to pay attention."

They usually steered clear of too many people or the middle of thoroughfares just in general because being walked through was an unpleasant sensation and being driven through wasn't any better, but the whole excursion was going to be more fraught than usual as it was, even though it was only down the block.

Charles smiled fondly at the warnings. He moved closer and put his hand on Edwin's arm, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

"I've been dead a shorter time than you, haven't I? I think I still remember a few things," he winked. And he was excited to go out there, somehwat. It would feel good, Charles thought. So he took a step back and spread his arms. "So how do I look? Do I look presentable for the masses?" he asked in a laugh, though then he saw a movement from the corner of his eyes. Oh. It was his reflection in their mirror. He asked Edwin to check him because it was how they usually did it... but now they had a body that could be seen not by people, but in mirrors too. And Charles froze, staring at it.

"Perfectly acceptable, I should think." He'd started, "It's, what did Crystal call it? Retro?" He shook his head then, "Certainly more in line with modern fashions than myself, anyway."

His brow creased at the way Charles froze, worried for a moment that it might be some kind of side-effect of what was happening, shifting himself around forward on the couch so he could follow Charles' line of sight, giving a quiet, "Oh. I see." When he caught sight of their reflections as well, which, he supposed, was some kind of side-effect to being living again.

The more time they spent alive, the more it was hammered into Charles. And the more it was stirring something in him. Seeing his reflection, in the mirror they used daily for travel was... a lot. Especially when Edwin's image appeared there too. Charles turned to look at Edwin again, wondering what was that heavy feeling in his chest. But in the end, he just smiled and went to find the jar they kept for cash. There wasn't much left there but Charles had a plan.

"Right, gonna be just a tick," he told Edwin and hurried away. He did feel sore from yesterday, and from the sleep he just had but he welcomed it all. His steps had a spring to them as he hurried down the stairs and into the street. Charles was so in a rush he almost stumbled into someone on the street. It was disorienting for sure but exciting. He was alive. He was alive! God, he could scream from happiness. And cry. And yes he maybe cried a little as he was hurrying down the street, minding people and just taking it all in.

Obviously, he hadn't had enough cash for everything he wanted to get but for some miraculous reason, he could settle to open a tab under Crystal's name. In the end, he could get a haul of multiple sandwiches, cakes, some snacks, and coffee. When he got back to Edwin, he was carrying two paper bags full of food from the café.

"I think I did good? And I took the crossing like any other living," Charles told the news as he carried it all to the desk.

In the time Charles was gone, Edwin had moved his research to the desk where he could spread it out, even changing out the initial books Charles had gathered for him for different ones, he'd even re-drawn the rune circle on a larger sheet of blotter paper instead of just a page of his notebook so he could see it more fully, though that didn't actually make it make any more sense.

He blinked up at Charles' arrival, brow creasing at the amount of food, though his tone was amused, even fond as he said, "Good lord, Charles, is your plan to feed an army?" He knew that it was more likely just Charles' having missed eating in general and wanting to make sure they had options, but it still amused him, though his brow creased a little further, "I know we didn't have this much left in the jar."

"We're detectives, we're almost an army," Charles pointed out grinning. He started to unpack the bags, placing everything on his side of the desk, trying not to disrupt Edwin's work. Though he paid little attention to it at the moment. He was just too excited to eat. "Yeah, I opened a tab under Crystal's name. Because, you see, everyone likes me and the bloke likes Crystal so it worked," Charles explained, placing the two coffees on the desk, along with some bottled water. "I couldn't decide what to get anyway so I got everything," he added.

Then he took a moment, looking at the amount of food he hoarded, and let out a little embarrassed chuckle. He did get carried away, didn't he? He looked up at Edwin again to comment on it but something squeezed his chest again. Fear, he realized, just a little, but guilt too. Because he was happy.

"So... if we get hungry again we could go back," he said a little quieter. "Now, eat, yeah? You're gonna need it."

He just made a thoughtful sound at the explanation, "That's... quite clever, actually." And more than that he doubted Crystal would actually mind, though she might put up a token fuss about it, but it did smell good, surprisingly, and he nodded at Charles' mentioning that they could go back if they needed to.

He shuffled his notes into order, setting them aside so he could set them all out across the desk again once they'd eaten while he surveyed what was there, brow creasing a little, and finally settling on the one thing he could actually recognize -a raspberry scone- eying one of those cups of coffee suspiciously, "Is it plain black coffee or is it milk with coffee in it the way Crystal likes it?" Edwin was reasonably sure he wasn't particularly going to like it either way and would probably stick with water, but even he could admit that he was curious.

Charles grinned at the praise, feeling happier than he already was. He watched as Edwin made his pick, then reached for one of the ham sandwiches.

"Plain coffee, there's sugar and creamer in the bag," Charles said as he unwrapped his sandwich. "Want me to get tea instead?" he asked, taking a big bite. Then he groaned out loud. He was eating. And he could taste it! He barely chewed his bite before taking another one. Before he knew it half of his sandwich was already gone.

"Next time, if we haven't gotten this fixed by then." He agreed with a nod, adding a somewhat quieter, almost unsure, "Thank you." He did go about stirring definitely too much sugar into one of the coffees, followed by barely enough creamer to make a difference, just breaking off a corner of the scone to nibble at, not sure he liked it, but not really sure he didn't, either, because he was hungry, which was somewhat distressing in and of itself, as he barely remembered what that felt like.

He regarded the remaining sandwiches, trying to decipher the shorthand on the wrappers even as he asked, "I don't suppose there's a cheese and onion, is there?" He vaguely recalled having liked those when he was still alive, but only because he knew he didn't like the taste of cress or the feel of cucumber.

Charles watched as Edwin ever so cautiously started taking his picks. All the movements and the little nibble on the pastry made him so... alive. Charles knew Edwin liked sweet things but actually seeing him eating them was different. It made it all real. They were truly alive. They were alive... together with Edwin.

Charles swallowed the huge bite so sudden and quick that it almost made him choke.

"No onions mate but uh, there's ham and cheese, and bacon and eggs," Charles said, pushing the said sandwiches toward Edwin. "And avocado-cottage cheese-tomato," he added. He got that one too but he had no idea if he liked avocado as he'd never had it.

"This is nice, innit?" Charles started after a moment. "Eating... an' all."

He did his best not to grimace, barely managing to hide the expression behind a sip of his coffee, finding that he did in fact like it, or thought he did, anyway, just shaking his head a moment later once he'd managed to will the sour expression away, "No meat, thank you." He wasn't going to object to Charles eating it, not when he was so clearly enjoying being able to eat, but knew he wouldn't be able to stomach it himself.

His brow creased a little at that final offering, setting the cup aside so that he could unwrap the sandwich in question, finding that it was brown bread -as he was used to- and had been tidily halved, he took one half, sliding the other back towards Charles, just flipping his selected portion open to inspect it, giving a little shrug at Charles' question of a comment as he closed it again, "I suppose."

Mostly he considered it incredibly inconvenient, wasting time on this when he could -should- be figuring out how to fix this, and making a mess besides, there were already crumbs everywhere, but he did keep himself from saying so, not wanting to put a damper on Charles' obvious excitement.

"The meat is the best part, mate," Charles laughed, spotting that expression no matter how Edwin was trying to hide it. He pushed back the half-sandwich for Edwin to eat if he wanted, knowing that most of the bread he got had meat in it. And whatever Edwin said, he needed to eat too.

Charles looked down at Edwin's research, then back at him. He could tell Edwin was still worried. Maybe he was still hurting too. And Charles understood. Edwin died way before he was even born. He spent multiple of his living lifetime dead... for him being alive was the strange part, probably.

"I meant... I meant being alive, you see," Charles started softly. "Don't you think..." he trailed off, looking at the notes again. "Maybe we could enjoy it a little?"

He did actually grimace at the declaration that it was the best part, shaking his head and taking a steadying breath so as not to let memory put him off what he could eat, and not about to bring Charles' down -or make him feel guilty- by explaining that being force-fed bits of himself for decades was enough to ensure that meat was definitely not the best part in his opinion.

The question that followed, however had him biting back the initial acerbic response again, managing to temper it a little as he responded: "What's to enjoy, Charles? Everything hurts, everything could actually kill us, and we aren't going to be able to help anyone as we usually do until this is resolved." Another steadying breath, emotions simmering up despite his trying to keep them at bay, spreading both hands flat against the top of the desk to keep himself from grinding his knuckles together "I need to be able to help people, Charles, this agency, our agency gave me a purpose when I needed it most. It's what I do." It was all he knew how to do, and he was feeling dangerously adrift without it.

Now that they were alive, Charles could spot the slight color differences on Edwin's face too. He was going green for a second there. But before Charles could pursue that line, Edwin spoke.

Ah. Charles' hand lowered as he was processing what Edwin just said. Then he put down his food, and wiped his mouth as he walked around the desk to go to him. He gently slid a hand on his back, leaning in to try and look into Edwin's face.

"First of all, not everything can kill us," he said with a small smile. But, at one point he could understand why Edwin was afraid of that. The way he died. The way he was... treated in Hell. Charles got it... he did... it was just... "We could still help people? It could still be our purpose, just a little differently, yeah? Would it really be so inconvenient to eat once in a while? To grow older?"

Deep down, Charles knew what Edwin would pick if he could. But he wouldn't be Charles Rowland if he wouldn't try. If he wouldn't try to convince Edwin that being alive was worth it.

"A little differently?" He asked, incredulous, "Charles, we can't travel by mirror, I don't even know if I can still do magic," he hadn't had a chance to try yet, and was dreading what would happen if it didn't work, "None of our regular contacts are going to talk to us if we're breathing, and we certainly aren't going to be able to face down the things we usually do on the regular if they can actually kill us, which they can. That's not just a little different, that's a complete changeover!"

He was trying to keep a handle on his emotions, he really was, and the harder he tried the more slippery they seemed to get, "Because let's not fool ourselves, Charles, more things can kill us than can't. The living world is an inherently dangerous place and I'm..."

He pressed his lips together hard for a moment, shaking his head once, "I'm not built for it. I wasn't the first time around and I'm certainly not now, I've been a ghost for lifetimes longer than I was alive in the first place, and I don't remember how things were supposed to work."

For instance he wouldn't have remembered to eat if Charles hadn't thought of it first, he'd just have continued to deteriorate and been confused as to why, besides that he'd barked his knee on the corner of the desk circling it because he'd forgotten that he wouldn't just clip through it like he normally would have.

"Right, yeah, maybe we gotta change a lot of things," Charles said motioning around. "We gotta start over, almost like we got another chance at living, yeah?"

It was so close. The one thing he'd always wanted. It was in his grasp, and it was together with Edwin and Charles could not feel any luckier. And it broke his heart that Edwin thought it as a sort of curse, and he was so afraid, and panicking. And Charles realized what was that heavy feeling in his chest all this time: this exact argument. He wanted to take Edwin's hand and walk him through life but Edwin... yes, he was a ghost.

"I'll teach you, yeah? Just like how you taught me the ghost rules back in the day," Charles started. "Crystal could help. We could... We can't do those things we did before, yeah but we can do new things! Together! I'll be there with you, I'll protect you."

Charles took one of Edwin's hand for both of their sakes. He was trembling, he was angry and sad and happy and so many things and he could feel it all in every beat of his living heart.

"Is there really nothing you miss from life, Edwin?"

"There's really not, Charles." Even if there were, it wasn't likely to be something that still existed in the way it had then, things changed after a couple of decades, let alone a century and change, and that would somehow be even more of a disappointment than it not existing at all.

He was clinging to Charles' hand at that point, willing him to understand, "I know you would, protect me, and I'm not going to risk you like that. If I figure out how to fix this, I'm not, I won't force you to do anything, that would be unfair of me." And that terrified him too, if Charles decided he wanted to continue on living even if Edwin returned to their prior state.

"But if there's no fixing it, if it can't be reversed, we'll have to disband the agency. Which does mean we'll no longer be of use to the Lost and Found, but I'm not going to put either of our lives at risk just to avoid Hell when the time comes."

And there it was, the one thing he'd been trying not to say aloud because that made it all too real, the one thing Edwin was actually afraid of even more than no longer having Charles in his orbit.

Charles was silent for a long time, listening to Edwin. Then he lifted his hand, holding it in both of his, and pressed his lips a the back of Edwin's hand. He closed his eyes.

Charles knew that Edwin would find a cure for their current state, because there must be one. Charles also knew if he chose not to take it, Edwin would let him. But what would Charles choose? His thumb swiped over Edwin's warm skin as his lips were still pressed at his hand, feeling his rapid, panicky heartbeat.

If they remained alive, there would be no agency anymore. No more adventures. And Edwin would most probably live that life in fear and despair. And maybe that was a kind of Hell, right? If there was anything that had any effect on Edwin's life, or afterlife for that matter, it was Hell and not Charles. Despite the fact that Charles was sure that it wasn't Hell that would wait for Edwin at the end of this life. For him, maybe, but not for Edwin. But Charles knew when to argue with his partner of thirty years and when to know that Edwin was set.

So Charles just smiled, his lips brushing against Edwin's hand as he looked up at him.

"I get it, Edwin," he said quietly, smiling. "I get it, yeah?" He repeated in a huff of breath, as if to himself. "Not gonna bring it up again," Charles added, pressing another kiss on Edwin's hand. "Work that brain of yours. And try to eat a little, right?" He motioned at the food as he let Edwin go.

He let out a shaky breath, one he hadn't fully realized he'd been holding, though he curled his fingers around Charles' hand again, just for a moment, another squeeze as Charles rose again, "Thank you, Charles."

He was already thinking even as he ate, small careful bites of both scone and sandwich -not entirely sure if he liked the avocado or not but finding the thing otherwise serviceable- just stewing the whole situation over, because while he was terrified of what might happen, he did, at least, have the presence of mind to know that it was at least partly his habit of rushing right to the worst-case scenario, which was why, half the sandwich and most of the coffee gone, he said: "Even if I do manage to sort it out today, and that's doubtful, we've gone a couple of days without cases before, it won't be the end of the world to do it again."

A little shake of his head, realizing that he was talking around the subject, voicing the train of thought he'd already gone through, "What I'm trying to say is that perhaps we could go to the cinema tomorrow? We'd have to actually purchase tickets, of course, there wouldn't be any getting in our usual way." He'd worry about his own remaining aches and finding something suitable to wear later, while going to the movies wasn't something he missed from being alive, it was something he'd been fascinated with at the time -mostly due to his father's vocal distaste for it on the whole- and it was one of the things he enjoyed doing with Charles anyway, when they had the time.

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