for @convincingsmile - Nobody's dying today (probably)

[technicallyhellbound]

Edwin knew as soon as he fell through the mirror that something was wrong, and not just a little bit wrong, but the kind of wrong that made the whole world tilt on its axis a little.

It wasn't a misdirected portal, not like the case that had ultimately led them to Crystal, not like many other failures of concentration when traversing mirror portals before, it was something else, and he couldn't place what it was. All he knew was that he'd simply passed through the mirror in question and had landed, hard on the floor on the other side of the room, hard enough that he actually skidded a couple of feet and that couldn't be right because that actually hurt, and hurt in the way he hadn't felt in... well, decades.

It was enough to tumble him against the far wall just from his own momentum, impacting hard enough to knock the breath out of his lungs, and that was definitely wrong, because he shouldn't have had breath or lungs. He could see, even through pain-hazed vision that the poltergeist he'd been baiting had, indeed, gotten caught in the trap he himself had leapt over when aiming for the mirror.

That was, however, the last thing he saw before the half-rotted-through loft floor gave way beneath his sudden and unexpected weight, sending him falling, flailing, scraped to ribbons on the broken slats, to the ground below, and he was reasonably sure he'd actually heard something snap on impact, ribs, if the sudden radiating pain was anything to go by, though his shoulder wasn't in good shape either, and that was an entirely different kind of pain, just layering on top of the feeling of the ragged scratches from the wood, and it occurred to him, dimly, that he'd forgotten how much he hated the feeling of blood on his skin.

It had been different in Hell, the pain, the sensations in general, all of it, it had been horrible, yes, but it was so much more visceral now, and even as his vision began to go hazy again, head swimming, his last thoughts were trying to remember how he'd somehow gotten separated from Charles, who had been barely a step behind him when he'd rounded the corner into the loft pursued by the poltergeist now trapped securely above him.

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[technicallyhellbound]

He sighed heavily because as much as he didn't like the idea, it was really the only viable option, which was why he nodded, "Alright, just..." His lips pressed together briefly, realizing that he was going to sound like a nag, "Just remember people can see you now, but the ones in the cars aren't going to pay attention."

They usually steered clear of too many people or the middle of thoroughfares just in general because being walked through was an unpleasant sensation and being driven through wasn't any better, but the whole excursion was going to be more fraught than usual as it was, even though it was only down the block.

[convincingsmile]

Charles smiled fondly at the warnings. He moved closer and put his hand on Edwin's arm, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

"I've been dead a shorter time than you, haven't I? I think I still remember a few things," he winked. And he was excited to go out there, somehwat. It would feel good, Charles thought. So he took a step back and spread his arms. "So how do I look? Do I look presentable for the masses?" he asked in a laugh, though then he saw a movement from the corner of his eyes. Oh. It was his reflection in their mirror. He asked Edwin to check him because it was how they usually did it... but now they had a body that could be seen not by people, but in mirrors too. And Charles froze, staring at it.

[technicallyhellbound]

"Perfectly acceptable, I should think." He'd started, "It's, what did Crystal call it? Retro?" He shook his head then, "Certainly more in line with modern fashions than myself, anyway."

His brow creased at the way Charles froze, worried for a moment that it might be some kind of side-effect of what was happening, shifting himself around forward on the couch so he could follow Charles' line of sight, giving a quiet, "Oh. I see." When he caught sight of their reflections as well, which, he supposed, was some kind of side-effect to being living again.

[convincingsmile]

The more time they spent alive, the more it was hammered into Charles. And the more it was stirring something in him. Seeing his reflection, in the mirror they used daily for travel was... a lot. Especially when Edwin's image appeared there too. Charles turned to look at Edwin again, wondering what was that heavy feeling in his chest. But in the end, he just smiled and went to find the jar they kept for cash. There wasn't much left there but Charles had a plan.

"Right, gonna be just a tick," he told Edwin and hurried away. He did feel sore from yesterday, and from the sleep he just had but he welcomed it all. His steps had a spring to them as he hurried down the stairs and into the street. Charles was so in a rush he almost stumbled into someone on the street. It was disorienting for sure but exciting. He was alive. He was alive! God, he could scream from happiness. And cry. And yes he maybe cried a little as he was hurrying down the street, minding people and just taking it all in.

Obviously, he hadn't had enough cash for everything he wanted to get but for some miraculous reason, he could settle to open a tab under Crystal's name. In the end, he could get a haul of multiple sandwiches, cakes, some snacks, and coffee. When he got back to Edwin, he was carrying two paper bags full of food from the café.

"I think I did good? And I took the crossing like any other living," Charles told the news as he carried it all to the desk.

[technicallyhellbound]

In the time Charles was gone, Edwin had moved his research to the desk where he could spread it out, even changing out the initial books Charles had gathered for him for different ones, he'd even re-drawn the rune circle on a larger sheet of blotter paper instead of just a page of his notebook so he could see it more fully, though that didn't actually make it make any more sense.

He blinked up at Charles' arrival, brow creasing at the amount of food, though his tone was amused, even fond as he said, "Good lord, Charles, is your plan to feed an army?" He knew that it was more likely just Charles' having missed eating in general and wanting to make sure they had options, but it still amused him, though his brow creased a little further, "I know we didn't have this much left in the jar."

[convincingsmile]

"We're detectives, we're almost an army," Charles pointed out grinning. He started to unpack the bags, placing everything on his side of the desk, trying not to disrupt Edwin's work. Though he paid little attention to it at the moment. He was just too excited to eat. "Yeah, I opened a tab under Crystal's name. Because, you see, everyone likes me and the bloke likes Crystal so it worked," Charles explained, placing the two coffees on the desk, along with some bottled water. "I couldn't decide what to get anyway so I got everything," he added.

Then he took a moment, looking at the amount of food he hoarded, and let out a little embarrassed chuckle. He did get carried away, didn't he? He looked up at Edwin again to comment on it but something squeezed his chest again. Fear, he realized, just a little, but guilt too. Because he was happy.

"So... if we get hungry again we could go back," he said a little quieter. "Now, eat, yeah? You're gonna need it."

[technicallyhellbound]

He just made a thoughtful sound at the explanation, "That's... quite clever, actually." And more than that he doubted Crystal would actually mind, though she might put up a token fuss about it, but it did smell good, surprisingly, and he nodded at Charles' mentioning that they could go back if they needed to.

He shuffled his notes into order, setting them aside so he could set them all out across the desk again once they'd eaten while he surveyed what was there, brow creasing a little, and finally settling on the one thing he could actually recognize -a raspberry scone- eying one of those cups of coffee suspiciously, "Is it plain black coffee or is it milk with coffee in it the way Crystal likes it?" Edwin was reasonably sure he wasn't particularly going to like it either way and would probably stick with water, but even he could admit that he was curious.

[convincingsmile]

Charles grinned at the praise, feeling happier than he already was. He watched as Edwin made his pick, then reached for one of the ham sandwiches.

"Plain coffee, there's sugar and creamer in the bag," Charles said as he unwrapped his sandwich. "Want me to get tea instead?" he asked, taking a big bite. Then he groaned out loud. He was eating. And he could taste it! He barely chewed his bite before taking another one. Before he knew it half of his sandwich was already gone.

[technicallyhellbound]

"Next time, if we haven't gotten this fixed by then." He agreed with a nod, adding a somewhat quieter, almost unsure, "Thank you." He did go about stirring definitely too much sugar into one of the coffees, followed by barely enough creamer to make a difference, just breaking off a corner of the scone to nibble at, not sure he liked it, but not really sure he didn't, either, because he was hungry, which was somewhat distressing in and of itself, as he barely remembered what that felt like.

He regarded the remaining sandwiches, trying to decipher the shorthand on the wrappers even as he asked, "I don't suppose there's a cheese and onion, is there?" He vaguely recalled having liked those when he was still alive, but only because he knew he didn't like the taste of cress or the feel of cucumber.

[convincingsmile]

Charles watched as Edwin ever so cautiously started taking his picks. All the movements and the little nibble on the pastry made him so... alive. Charles knew Edwin liked sweet things but actually seeing him eating them was different. It made it all real. They were truly alive. They were alive... together with Edwin.

Charles swallowed the huge bite so sudden and quick that it almost made him choke.

"No onions mate but uh, there's ham and cheese, and bacon and eggs," Charles said, pushing the said sandwiches toward Edwin. "And avocado-cottage cheese-tomato," he added. He got that one too but he had no idea if he liked avocado as he'd never had it.

"This is nice, innit?" Charles started after a moment. "Eating... an' all."

[technicallyhellbound]

He did his best not to grimace, barely managing to hide the expression behind a sip of his coffee, finding that he did in fact like it, or thought he did, anyway, just shaking his head a moment later once he'd managed to will the sour expression away, "No meat, thank you." He wasn't going to object to Charles eating it, not when he was so clearly enjoying being able to eat, but knew he wouldn't be able to stomach it himself.

His brow creased a little at that final offering, setting the cup aside so that he could unwrap the sandwich in question, finding that it was brown bread -as he was used to- and had been tidily halved, he took one half, sliding the other back towards Charles, just flipping his selected portion open to inspect it, giving a little shrug at Charles' question of a comment as he closed it again, "I suppose."

Mostly he considered it incredibly inconvenient, wasting time on this when he could -should- be figuring out how to fix this, and making a mess besides, there were already crumbs everywhere, but he did keep himself from saying so, not wanting to put a damper on Charles' obvious excitement.

[convincingsmile]

"The meat is the best part, mate," Charles laughed, spotting that expression no matter how Edwin was trying to hide it. He pushed back the half-sandwich for Edwin to eat if he wanted, knowing that most of the bread he got had meat in it. And whatever Edwin said, he needed to eat too.

Charles looked down at Edwin's research, then back at him. He could tell Edwin was still worried. Maybe he was still hurting too. And Charles understood. Edwin died way before he was even born. He spent multiple of his living lifetime dead... for him being alive was the strange part, probably.

"I meant... I meant being alive, you see," Charles started softly. "Don't you think..." he trailed off, looking at the notes again. "Maybe we could enjoy it a little?"

[technicallyhellbound]

He did actually grimace at the declaration that it was the best part, shaking his head and taking a steadying breath so as not to let memory put him off what he could eat, and not about to bring Charles' down -or make him feel guilty- by explaining that being force-fed bits of himself for decades was enough to ensure that meat was definitely not the best part in his opinion.

The question that followed, however had him biting back the initial acerbic response again, managing to temper it a little as he responded: "What's to enjoy, Charles? Everything hurts, everything could actually kill us, and we aren't going to be able to help anyone as we usually do until this is resolved." Another steadying breath, emotions simmering up despite his trying to keep them at bay, spreading both hands flat against the top of the desk to keep himself from grinding his knuckles together "I need to be able to help people, Charles, this agency, our agency gave me a purpose when I needed it most. It's what I do." It was all he knew how to do, and he was feeling dangerously adrift without it.

[convincingsmile]

Now that they were alive, Charles could spot the slight color differences on Edwin's face too. He was going green for a second there. But before Charles could pursue that line, Edwin spoke.

Ah. Charles' hand lowered as he was processing what Edwin just said. Then he put down his food, and wiped his mouth as he walked around the desk to go to him. He gently slid a hand on his back, leaning in to try and look into Edwin's face.

"First of all, not everything can kill us," he said with a small smile. But, at one point he could understand why Edwin was afraid of that. The way he died. The way he was... treated in Hell. Charles got it... he did... it was just... "We could still help people? It could still be our purpose, just a little differently, yeah? Would it really be so inconvenient to eat once in a while? To grow older?"

Deep down, Charles knew what Edwin would pick if he could. But he wouldn't be Charles Rowland if he wouldn't try. If he wouldn't try to convince Edwin that being alive was worth it.

[technicallyhellbound]

"A little differently?" He asked, incredulous, "Charles, we can't travel by mirror, I don't even know if I can still do magic," he hadn't had a chance to try yet, and was dreading what would happen if it didn't work, "None of our regular contacts are going to talk to us if we're breathing, and we certainly aren't going to be able to face down the things we usually do on the regular if they can actually kill us, which they can. That's not just a little different, that's a complete changeover!"

He was trying to keep a handle on his emotions, he really was, and the harder he tried the more slippery they seemed to get, "Because let's not fool ourselves, Charles, more things can kill us than can't. The living world is an inherently dangerous place and I'm..."

He pressed his lips together hard for a moment, shaking his head once, "I'm not built for it. I wasn't the first time around and I'm certainly not now, I've been a ghost for lifetimes longer than I was alive in the first place, and I don't remember how things were supposed to work."

For instance he wouldn't have remembered to eat if Charles hadn't thought of it first, he'd just have continued to deteriorate and been confused as to why, besides that he'd barked his knee on the corner of the desk circling it because he'd forgotten that he wouldn't just clip through it like he normally would have.

[convincingsmile]

"Right, yeah, maybe we gotta change a lot of things," Charles said motioning around. "We gotta start over, almost like we got another chance at living, yeah?"

It was so close. The one thing he'd always wanted. It was in his grasp, and it was together with Edwin and Charles could not feel any luckier. And it broke his heart that Edwin thought it as a sort of curse, and he was so afraid, and panicking. And Charles realized what was that heavy feeling in his chest all this time: this exact argument. He wanted to take Edwin's hand and walk him through life but Edwin... yes, he was a ghost.

"I'll teach you, yeah? Just like how you taught me the ghost rules back in the day," Charles started. "Crystal could help. We could... We can't do those things we did before, yeah but we can do new things! Together! I'll be there with you, I'll protect you."

Charles took one of Edwin's hand for both of their sakes. He was trembling, he was angry and sad and happy and so many things and he could feel it all in every beat of his living heart.

"Is there really nothing you miss from life, Edwin?"

[technicallyhellbound]

"There's really not, Charles." Even if there were, it wasn't likely to be something that still existed in the way it had then, things changed after a couple of decades, let alone a century and change, and that would somehow be even more of a disappointment than it not existing at all.

He was clinging to Charles' hand at that point, willing him to understand, "I know you would, protect me, and I'm not going to risk you like that. If I figure out how to fix this, I'm not, I won't force you to do anything, that would be unfair of me." And that terrified him too, if Charles decided he wanted to continue on living even if Edwin returned to their prior state.

"But if there's no fixing it, if it can't be reversed, we'll have to disband the agency. Which does mean we'll no longer be of use to the Lost and Found, but I'm not going to put either of our lives at risk just to avoid Hell when the time comes."

And there it was, the one thing he'd been trying not to say aloud because that made it all too real, the one thing Edwin was actually afraid of even more than no longer having Charles in his orbit.

[convincingsmile]

Charles was silent for a long time, listening to Edwin. Then he lifted his hand, holding it in both of his, and pressed his lips a the back of Edwin's hand. He closed his eyes.

Charles knew that Edwin would find a cure for their current state, because there must be one. Charles also knew if he chose not to take it, Edwin would let him. But what would Charles choose? His thumb swiped over Edwin's warm skin as his lips were still pressed at his hand, feeling his rapid, panicky heartbeat.

If they remained alive, there would be no agency anymore. No more adventures. And Edwin would most probably live that life in fear and despair. And maybe that was a kind of Hell, right? If there was anything that had any effect on Edwin's life, or afterlife for that matter, it was Hell and not Charles. Despite the fact that Charles was sure that it wasn't Hell that would wait for Edwin at the end of this life. For him, maybe, but not for Edwin. But Charles knew when to argue with his partner of thirty years and when to know that Edwin was set.

So Charles just smiled, his lips brushing against Edwin's hand as he looked up at him.

"I get it, Edwin," he said quietly, smiling. "I get it, yeah?" He repeated in a huff of breath, as if to himself. "Not gonna bring it up again," Charles added, pressing another kiss on Edwin's hand. "Work that brain of yours. And try to eat a little, right?" He motioned at the food as he let Edwin go.

[technicallyhellbound]

He let out a shaky breath, one he hadn't fully realized he'd been holding, though he curled his fingers around Charles' hand again, just for a moment, another squeeze as Charles rose again, "Thank you, Charles."

He was already thinking even as he ate, small careful bites of both scone and sandwich -not entirely sure if he liked the avocado or not but finding the thing otherwise serviceable- just stewing the whole situation over, because while he was terrified of what might happen, he did, at least, have the presence of mind to know that it was at least partly his habit of rushing right to the worst-case scenario, which was why, half the sandwich and most of the coffee gone, he said: "Even if I do manage to sort it out today, and that's doubtful, we've gone a couple of days without cases before, it won't be the end of the world to do it again."

A little shake of his head, realizing that he was talking around the subject, voicing the train of thought he'd already gone through, "What I'm trying to say is that perhaps we could go to the cinema tomorrow? We'd have to actually purchase tickets, of course, there wouldn't be any getting in our usual way." He'd worry about his own remaining aches and finding something suitable to wear later, while going to the movies wasn't something he missed from being alive, it was something he'd been fascinated with at the time -mostly due to his father's vocal distaste for it on the whole- and it was one of the things he enjoyed doing with Charles anyway, when they had the time.

[convincingsmile]

While Charles felt really hungry at the beginning, and he did finish his first sandwich, somehow he didn't go for another one. Nor for the coffee. Instead he tried to clean up the desk and put away the books Edwin wasn't reading.

He looked at Edwin a little preoccupied when he spoke. Then his smile spread widely on his face as he skipped back to Edwin's desk.

"We're gonna need Crystal for that, mate," he chuckled. "I don't think even I'm that good to get us free tickets," he added amused. But as for movies, he already knew which one he had eye on. He always kept himself informed about the movies running because they did like to go to the movies with Edwin.

And knowing that Edwin agreed to at least slow down a little, maybe for Charles's sake, made him so happy. So he stood there for a moment in silence before he spoke again.

"I also wanted to try making love?" he said. And wow, he forgot how a blush on his cheeks could burn. "I mean... if you're not hurt, but... bollocks," he added, realizing that broken ribs don't heal in days. Shit, now he felt like a complete asshole. "I mean, forget it."

[technicallyhellbound]

Well that was enough to have Edwin nearly choking on his next sip of coffee, his own blush flaring into place, high across his cheeks and his temples, along the crests of his ears and even in the hollow of his throat, all the places it usually sat even as a ghost, but all the warmer now, and that wasn't a sensation he missed at all.

He did manage to clear his airway after a few moments of wild coughing, setting the cup down so as not to spill it. What he finally managed to say, edged with a slight wheeze as his words had been the night before, was: "I absolutely will not forget it. I'm sure we can figure something out, if we've a mind to."

Now that the suggestion had been made, Edwin was already turning the logistics over in his mind, taking another, more cautious sip of the coffee, he was less worried about the ribs himself as he was about the hastily relocated shoulder, as well as the puncture wound there, one that still ached in a way he didn't particularly like, but wasn't warm in a way that would indicate infection.

[convincingsmile]

Charles winced as he was watching Edwin try not to meet his early death by choking. But when he looked up, all pink and red, Charles's heart skipped a beat.

"No, no, forget I said anything," Charles said, holding up a hand. "You're in pain, and- and it wouldn't be fair if I was the only one enjoying it, yeah? No, just stick to the movies and food yeah? I'll be fine, it's already aces with me," he added. "So, just continue your work, okay?"

[technicallyhellbound]

Edwin straightened, hands folding against the edge of the desk, pinning Charles with a look he usually only used on clients -or suspects- that were evading his questions, "Charles. I've said that I'm sure we can figure something out, if we've a mind to. Which is exactly what I meant."

Both brows lifted slightly, "But that's the sort of thing to work out after I've at least found the origin of the runes and what they were actually intended to do." Even despite that declaration, he did already have a couple of ideas, ones that he would probably jot down in his notebook soon enough, just on the off chance that he got busy enough to forget them, though he doubted that was going to happen.

[convincingsmile]

While Charles had been subject to that stare rarely, he knew to behave when he got it. So he shut his mouth as Edwin spoke. Then just nodded, his ears were still burning.

"Yes, right, of course, priorities, mate, we're professionals after all," Charles said, clearing his throat. Professionals, yes, so he wished he could start focusing again on the task at hand rather than thinking of not-very-professional things. So he kept his mind and body busy with anything he could, almost desperately so. Edwin barely had to ask for anything Charles was already there to tidy up, to take, to bring over...

[technicallyhellbound]

Edwin was both amused by and thankful for Charles' attentiveness, as it meant that he didn't have to trade out books himself, which in turn meant he wasn't trying to lift or carry things with his injured arm, and wasn't doing anything that might further aggravate the cracked ribs -and he still wasn't sure if they were fully broken or just cracked- but his breathing was easier than it had been the day before, near-asphyxiation by coffee aside.

It was midafternoon -after another snack break- that he finally felt like he was making some kind of headway, he'd at least sorted out what he thought the origin of the symbols was, though they didn't fully match anything in his current stack of research materials, that might just be due to a translation error, which was what had him giving Charles another trade of books to handle.

When Crystal arrived late that evening for her usual 'shift', Edwin was only slightly closer to figuring out what had happened, and the fact that she caught on right away that something had changed -and not just because of the food wrappers on the side table- didn't surprise him much, but he left it to Charles to explain as he was in the middle of translating a document and knew he'd lose the thread of it if he stopped in the middle.